I remember when I was younger when my neighbor died of cancer she was 9years old. I was very close to them, was their #1 babysitter, spent time with the family and when she got cancer was visiting her in the hospital taking care of her sisters and involved in their lives, but then one day she decided that it was time to go to heaven. I believe I was a junior in high school and was coming home I remember that I must have gotten out an hour early on that day, my mom was working from home and I’m not sure if she came home from work that day to tell me the news of the passing of Lindsey or if she was already at home working. I just remember walking into the house and standing in the entry way, my mom stood on the carpet as I walked into the house and told me that Lindsey’s dad called her and that Lindsey decided today was the day she would go to heaven. I was so devastated it was the first time anything close to me was not longer in my world. Death of a human and the process of learning to let go.

The part that breaks my heart as a mother today and looking back at this moment was that my mom hugged me and I immediately left and went back to school to find my friends to console me and get me through that moment in my life and it wasn’t my mom.

So, today as a mom with 3 daughters and have experienced these kind of moments already I realized that they are not coming to me because they don’t love me and trust me that it’s not unusual they would lean on their friends, in fact they have done studies on girls who are stressed, sad, angry, have heard bad news, are going through a hard time, they will go to their friends first and reports show that they will recover faster, have higher levels of happiness when they are with friends to help them through a stressor. Maybe that’s failing a test, breaking up with a boy, fighting with a friends, problem at home or in school, ect… they don’t want you to be that person, they want their friends. Yes it’s annoying as a mom today it just makes me like ugh. it sucks. But the truth is it’s ok and they still love you and know you will always be there for them. Ya, know they want something. Lol

Friends seem to be the “emotional tonic” to help deal with stress. The social support and distraction help with the ups and downs of daily life and other life events.

Therefore, mama it’s hard I know but it’s not you it’s the teen development. Good news is by allowing your daughter to lean in on her friends it is teaching her kindness, empathy, and compassion skills.