Most of us are guilty of it, speaking the words to family, friends, sisters, and the Lululemon clerks.

Media is something that has a massive influence on the way we feel.

Did you know that 40% of elementary school girls monitor their weight? By the time they are tweens 1/2 of girls have engaged in extreme dieting, fasting, vomiting, and the use of laxatives and diet pills.

Research in one study found that when girls (14 in this case) had a positive body image, they were able to be critical of the ideals of woman’s bodies portraying the media. They were able to describe these images as unnatural and unrealistic and accurately evaluated the media as only showing one kind of woman.

These young girls who loved themselves, and saw their bodies positively, were able to speak out about beauty in more than just one way. To them beauty was flexible and more than anything else, it was important for young girls to be themselves, instead of trying to look like everyone else.

So how do we get to lift your body positivity?

Body image is the way you see yourself in the mirror.

Just so you know ….As girls begin to hit puberty girl body changes radically. Weight gain can be sudden and confusing, giving her the impression she has lost control over her body. A slim-hipped, body that once complied with the culture's demands of thinness now gives way to something wider, softer, and thicker. The picture in her mind is now distorted and self-criticism begins. Then they come out of that transition into their “adult body” and it becomes more about how the world sees them and if they’re perfect then what am I?

“**Beauty is the first impression of total success” quoted, Amira, a 17-year-old.**

So how do we deal with this? How do we teach you that your body is not a pass-or-fail situation? Because In your eyes, it’s all you have to impact who you will become.

Here are some things that I tell my own girls.

Everybody is different! If we were all the same that would be boring, I talk to the girls about their thumbprints. I say look at your thumb and look at mine see how the lines are so different. Not one of us is the same and it’s because we all are unique in how we look.
How do you take care of yourself? Talking about basic hygiene routines. Sleep, showering, all of that,
Healthy eating habits. We talk about choices in food and what can help us feel better and what foods make us feel crappy. I talk to them about choices, NEVER diets, choices mean you are in control. Do you want a coke or dessert? Choose -

If you are feeling tired and grumpy it’s Your body telling you to nourish it. This also includes exercising. Are you active? Being active releases hormones and that is good for girls, maybe it’s a sport, maybe it’s walking every day. Just move.

Some will agree that we need to stop talking about the “Fat talk” I disagree we need to talk and explain to the girls as much as possible.

The reality is… We've all done it. We have all looked in the mirror at one time or another and said negative things about our physical appearance.

In fact, we probably do it so often that we don't even notice it anymore.

We pinch our bellies and grumble about our thighs rubbing together and look at the dimples on the backs of our legs in disgust for years. We say it in our heads, we share it with our girlfriends, and even when our partners complement our bodies, we argue with their assessment. We do it so often that it seems totally normal. Because we never talk about it and we never learned how to take a compliment. We need to also change that.

In all reality we aren't made to be filled with self-hatred, self-loathing and negative self-talk; yet somehow it has become completely acceptable to be our own worst enemy.

So how can you stop this kind of talk from happening with our girls? How can we teach them from bashing their bodies on a regular basis to thinking more positively and replacing those negative thoughts with loving ones? Start with these four strategies.

Recognize that you and your body are completely unique. Go back to the thumbprint

You were born with a completely unique genetic makeup and predispositions to certain physical attributes. You can influence some physical characteristics with your lifestyle, but some things simply can't be changed.

But you know what's really cool? You hit the genetic lottery. Yep, it's true. Every single one of us hit the genetic lottery in something. Maybe you have gorgeous hair, or a stunning smile, or a killer wit. So what if you don't have six-pack abs or "perfect" legs? I can guarantee you have some pretty special qualities.

Maybe it's harder for you to lose fat or gain muscle than your best friend, or your sister and that can be frustrating. But maybe they are coveting your awesome squat form or your ability to run 20 sets of bleachers without breaking a sweat. We all have something

Action step: Find your own sweet spot where your health, lifestyle, performance, and aesthetics intersect. It might not look like anyone else's—and that's just how it should be.

2. Set goals that aren't about losing weight.

For most people, losing body fat is their number one goal related to their health, fitness, or appearance. It’s important to teach the girls that dieting has a start date and an end date which is why it’s called a diet. Making that a goal is a problem.

The problem? When your goal is body fat loss, and you're struggling (and sometimes failing) to achieve it, it encourages negative thinking and fat talk. You're constantly focused on what you don't like about your body and how it's not changing. You'll start to think that you're not dedicated enough, not good enough, or not working hard enough.

Setting goals that aren't directly related to fat loss can be much more positive and encouraging (and psst: they often lead to fat loss indirectly!). Plus, it's good to focus on something other than weight, especially if you tend to obsess or get down about what the scale says.

Action step: Set goals like drinking more water, adding in one healthy meal a day, being active, getting more sleep this week, and committing to them fully. When you've achieved them, acknowledge that you've achieved them and allow yourself to feel very proud.

3. Stop and ask yourself, "Would I say that to someone I love?"

You've probably heard the saying, "We are our own worst critics," and it's so true. We say things to ourselves that we would never ever say to someone we love.

We tell ourselves that we are fat, disgusting, gross, worthless, and hopeless. We tell ourselves that we will never achieve our goals, that we quit everything we start, and that we aren't worthy of being happy, loved or beautiful.

It rarely sounds crazy or mean in our own heads, but when we see it in writing, it's easier to understand just how harmful that self-talk can be. With that kind of feedback, how could anyone succeed?

Action step: Start becoming more aware of your thoughts and internal monologue. Next time you catch yourself saying something negative to yourself, ask: Would you say that to Your sister? Your best friend? Your daughter? If the answer is no, then do not say it to yourself.

Develop a positive mantra that your daughter can repeat to herself until the negative thoughts are replaced with positive thoughts. Something as simple as, "I am beautiful and worthy," works perfectly. I like to Gove the girls a dry-erase marker to write positive affirmations on their bathroom mirror.

4. Recognize that your thoughts and words impact everyone around you.

It's very easy to forget how much we affect the people around us. This is especially true with impressionable young children (especially girls). Some research shows that girls as young as five years old already have body dissatisfaction and express a desire to be thinner.

Where do they get these ideas? Sure, there are societal and media influences even at that age, but most often, they hear others (including their moms, sisters, grandmothers, aunts, etc.) talk negatively about their own bodies. Those flippant comments you make about your thighs, the way you react after stepping on the scale, and even your physical discomfort and shameful body language when wearing a bathing suit—kids pick up on all of this.

So explain to your daughter that some little girls look up to her and that her words and actions matter. We should be kind to ourselves

So how do we recognize and turn around a lifetime of self-destructive behavior?

Remember, you are beautiful and worthy right this moment.